I was always a very impatient person, but I am learning that patience really is a virtue. Being patient is becoming easier and easier. I am glad I am more patient, or I would be very disappointed with the time it will take for me to eliminate all the weight I have put on. It took me years to become who I am today, and I can't expect to change in a month. For years I have been nurtured to behave the way I do. And you would think I am talking about my family, right? Well, you are not entirely wrong. Of course my family had a great impact in my life, but I realized that my perspective on food and weight came from what I have learned from the Media, society, and friends. As little girls we grow up listening to our mothers and sisters complain that they look fat and ugly, and for you... they looked so perfect! They taught you that even if you are pretty, it is never enough. And the movies? The movies display those beautiful actresses... thin, glamorous, and adored! They usually end up with a perfect man, that fall for their perfect figure, and go on to have a perfect life. And what about the magazines? There are tons of beautiful skinny models in every page, and they make us feel so inadequate. And the tabloids? I hate how the tabloids make us feel when they trash the beautiful women who gain some weight, or is getting older. They just reinforce our feeling that it is hard to be accepted if we don't look as glamorous as Linda Evangelista. Beauty, perfection, that’s what the magazines show us, but they don’t tell us about the retouching they do in almost every model, even the ones we already think are beautiful! Why do we believe that we need to be perfect to be happy? Because we hear this every day. Thank God not everybody falls for this, but for the ones who do, it is so frustrating! There are some things we learn and we don’t even realize. If we understood that we are the ones to blame, we would have a much happier life. If we didn’t point out the other person's physical flaws as much as we do, and valued other qualities more, maybe we would be able to live in a healthier society. You know what is worst? I only understood that after I became obese. I had to gain 80 pounds in order to understand that being thin does not make you happy, and that fat and old people are beautiful too.
Although I complain about my weight, I have to confess that I am glad it happened. If I hadn't become this big, I would still be badmouthing people who are fat, just because I did not understand them. Today I understand that some fat people are fat not becaue they are lazy, but because there is something deeper behind that weight gain, and we should be more compassionate. They already suffer a great deal of pain, why should we add to it with our prejudice? I just appreciate people so much more now. I work at a senior community, and I interact with senior citizens all day long. This interaction is so special to me, I have learned to look beyond their age. I surprised myself one day when I looked at a overweight woman who was probably in her 60's, and I thought to myself "wow, she is beautiful!" I guess it takes one to appreciate one, right? But why? Why can't we just see how beautiful we all are without something traumatic happening to us? I think I know why... fear. Fear of the reality displayed all over the people we avoid. We tend to look away from what scares us, because we don't want to face the reality of what awaits us in the future. It is damn scary. But we are looking at this from the wrong angle, when we look at someone who is older, and showing the signs of aging (or as I prefer to say, life), we should pay more attention. We should talk to them, ask questions. They will tell you how they feel, and why they are the way they are. You can learn from one person, as I did, that by looking at life in a positive way, it will help you accept what life has in store for you; it makes you appreciate life better. Or you may talk to another person and find out they are sick and full of pain because they never took care of their bodies, and now at 82, they have to start working out for the first time in their lives, or their heart will fail. You will be surprised to see that many happy couples in fact had very unhappy and hard moments in live, but they worked it out together, and accepted each other's flaws because their spouse's qualities were much more valuable to them then the flaws they have. If you appreciate life around you, you might realize that even that thing that makes you feel so unhappy, brought you something special. To me, it opened me eyes for those who I made invisible for so long.
I have learned that beauty not only outside, but inside as well. I believe that when we begin focusing on the good things we have, more than on the things about us that we hate.... we find it much easier to face any kind of challenge we might be facing. Not because it will give you a magic strength, but because it will make you appreciate the little victories. You will lose 500oz and you will tell yourself, "Awesome! With all the struggle I went through, I still managed to lose 500 oz! Last week I gain 2 pounds, I am getting better!"
Pay attention to what you are teaching your children, and the children around you. Keep in mind that no one needs to be perfect, all we need is to focus on being happy and healthy. Don't teach the children to magnify people's imperfection, it does not matter if someone is pretty or uggly, what's really important is if they are good or bad people, the rest, will be erased by time. Appreciate life, my friend. Appreciate people around you. Learn what really deserves to be praised, and let go of the petty little things that you know are not that important.
See you soon,
Love,
Me
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