Diet is a terrible word, and it should be eliminated of our vocabulary. Every time I went on a diet, I managed to cheat. Well, maybe I didn't cheat all the way, but as soon as I reached my goal, I stopped dieting. I don’t remember ever entering the maintenance period after I lost weight, which is so important for a long term change. I always went back to the old habits. With all the diets I began, all I had in mind was the weight I wanted to lose, and when the weight was gone, why would I care? I was young, and I always thought,I would tell myself, “Tomorrow I will worry about exercising, my body looks fine! And why do I need to learn the maintenance, anyway? If I gain weight again, I will go on a diet again.” The problem is… if you go on a diet, you will never stop dieting. I hate dieting! I don’t want a quick fix, this time I want a permanent solution for my life. The problem is that a permanent solution after all the abuse I inflicted in my body, will take time...a long time. And work... hard word.
In the past I got really frustrated when I couldn't change my habits. Why can't I just stop eating? I understand why I got fat, I know why I eat, so why can't I just switch to healthy mode and move on with my life? Well, it took me 40 years to get here, how can I expect to change everything in a week? Specially because I have a lot of weight to lose, this can't happen overnight. I have to be patient and kind with myself. I have to learn new habits, and understand how important it is for me to change, not because I want to fit in the latest skinny jeans, but because I want to live a long and healthy life.
As we turn 40 something changes. It's not only our bodies that change, but our perspective of ourselves and the world around us. As I reached 40 there were big changes in my life; I became a single mom in a new country, and I felt as I was the new kid in school. Although I am American, I did not live here, and I was really attached to the culture I grew up in. Different food habits, different social habits, different emotional habits. I haven't realized this before I moved here. It's a whole new ball game in America! Food here has a grip on you in a way I never saw anywhere else, and unfortunately it got its grip on me as well, in a way I have never experienced before. Gladly, as I turned 40 I realized that many of the things I have learned in my life needed to be reformulated. I realized I am not immortal, and that I needed to fix the things I was doing that could POSSIBLY harm my health as I grow older. I realized I have to change the bad habits that lead to obesity, and all the diseases that are attached to being obese. I have been changing so many things in my life in the past 5 years; I am achieving goals I never thought to be possible. I became an adult here, I discovered myself... I fell in love with my soul, with my thoughts, with my life. I understood I am capable of fighting for myself, and conquering the world. Now is time to change my food and exercise habits and set the foundation for a long and healthy future.
I wish I could tell you all that when we decide we need a change, everything is easy. It is not. I struggle every day to keep myself on track, I don't want to fall off the wagon this time. I am 43 years old, and I still look pretty young. I don't want to turn 50 still stuck in this lifestyle. I want to make friends, and enjoy life. I want to go for a walk and enjoy the beautiful California. I want to be able to do the things I used to do and I no longer do, because I am ashamed of the way I look. In 2003 I began gaining weight, not as much as I gained now, but still, enough to make me self conscious.By 2005 I was around 200 pounds. I was a professional singer, and I passed too many opportunities because I was embarrassed to be seen that way. I was invited to be part of a soap opera, and I said no. I refused several invitations to be on stage because I felt I was going to disappoint my public. I missed great opportunities because I was fat. By the end of 2005 and beginning of 2006 I lost all the weight, but the way I lost it didn't teach me how to keep the weight off. On July 2006 I moved to California, and by October I was already putting the pounds back. I can't do this to myself anymore, it is time to face my fears and experience the hurt I suppressed by stuffing food down my throat. I don't want to develop diabetes, nor I want to spend my life hiding behind my weight. I want to be as proud of my body as I am proud of my mind, my soul, or my heart. I know this wont be an easy journey, but I'm willing to put up a fight.
I am still working on my 1,500 calories a day, and I love it! I discovered how fruits fill me up, without spending many calories. I have watermelons for breakfast, strawberries for snack, and Popsicle when I need a break. I found a great fruit Popsicles for just 30 calories each, its the Private Selection, Premium Fruits Bars, just 30 calories each, and 2 grams of sugar. It is now my favorite treat!
So, bear with me, okay? I will see you soon,
Oh yes, by the way, the app I was telling you about on my last port, MyFitnessPal? It is also a website MyFitnessPal.Com. It is a wonderful way to keep track of your calories.
Love,
Me
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