Animal Instinct...

Sorry I was gone for so long! had so many things going on that I did not find time to sit here and write the way I like. I started classes again, I am preparing to move to a new apartment, and.... I got a puppy! Well, I got a puppy for my daughter, but like every parent that gets their kids a pet, I am the one who is really taking care of him. It is lovely, and as I found out, a great help if someone needs to lose weight. How so? Well.... you are so involved with the puppy, that there is not much time to care about food. If you eat out of boredom.... this is the best way to find something to do other than eat. You also get some exercise, because you have to take your puppy out. And there is another good way a puppy can help you... it gives you so much love, that it actually helps people who are in a depressive state.

I can tell you that the things I have been doing are actually working. I lost a total of 10 pounds already. I know this number could be higher if I was exercising, but right now, my life has been waaaay too crazy for me to find time to exercise. I am hoping that after I move to the new place I will find the time to do it.

So, this is it for now, my friends....
I wills see you soon,
Love always,
Me

Learning The Guidelines....

Just as I promised on my last post, I will post some of the things I am using to help me on this journey.

First, Learn a Relaxation Technique. What ever relaxes you will work. Meditate, take pictures, dance, watch a movie, sing.... what ever you do, try finding something that relaxes you enough, so you won't feel pressured to eat as an escape to your problems.

Visualizing myself the way I want to look. One of the things I do over and over again is visualizing myself thin, happy, and free of problems. The key here is not only visualizing myself the way I want to look, but I try to feel the way I want to feel. There are times when I am feeling anxious or upset, and I stop.... take a deep breath.... and tell myself, "I did it! It happened, I don't have a problem anymore!" And for some reason, this works, it calms me down. And I linger on the feeling and enjoy that sensation of accomplishment.

Third, even when I give in, I will tell myself, "It's okay, I am not giving up, just taking a break." But most important, as I eat, I tell myself "Hum, this food is not so good after all. It is not as good as I thought. I don't need food to feel better. Food is just to nourish me, and it does not solve any problems." I keep teaching myself that food has nothing to do with emotions, and even if it felt like a lie at the beginning, now when I say it....it feels like the most tender truth.

I eat what I want, but I try to get small portions. I was used to eating larger portions, and what i am doing now is eating what I want in smaller quantities. For example, today I did not have time to go home for Lunch, and I did not have time to seat in a restaurant. So I went to McDonald's. I did not go to the Drive Thru, I went inside and I chose a mini meal with diet coke. I could not finish the fries, it was too much. I felt satisfied with so little....

Eat slowly. If I eat too fast I will probably eat more, not only because it takes about 20 minutes for my body to tell my brain I am full, but because I will be reinforcing my compulsive eating if I eat fast.

Enjoy what I eat. I want to enjoy what I eat, the smell and the taste. If I am eating something I don't want just because I want to lose weight, I will probably sabotage my weight loss. When I am eating, I observe my food, eat in small pieces and enjoy each bite. I try to taste all the ingredients in the food that I like. I made an omelet last night, and I used 1 egg + 1 egg white. I smelled it before I ate, and I tried to enjoy the cheese I had in, the onions, the parsley, the bell pepper.... so by the time I finished, I was fully satisfied because I had treat myself with something I like that was not reinforcing my food addiction.

Pay attention to the reasons why I eat. There are different reasons why I eat, maybe you have too. I eat because I am bored, stressed, worried. I do not eat when I am sad though. Sometimes we can eat because we are used to. An example is when you are at work and a co-worker brings in a treat for everyone, and you will eat just because it's something you like and because it is there. One of the things you could do is tell yourself. "I don't need to eat this now. It is here, and even if I come back and there is none left, I can always go to the store and buy it." Telling yourself you can buy it later, will help you learn to control the impulse to eat. When you don't give in to the urge to eat that treat thinking you can have at any time you want, it will actually make you don't want to buy it later. You are learning that food is not scarce, and you can easily say no to a tempting food.

Don't deny myself of the foods I like. If I have any forbidden foods, guess what will I do? I will binge on them. So, no food is out of limits, but I watch how much of it I am eating. It is a good idea not to mix 2 of the foods you know you shouldn't be eating. Moreover, you should eat small portions of these types of food, or chose to eat them on the weekends on larger amounts. As long as you don't use this as an excuse to binge on the foods you know make you lose control, you are okay to eat them. But if you notice that eating them make you lose control, these are the foods you need to work on harder with the cognition intervention, and maybe even learn how to use some behavioral intervention. (I will tell you about the behavioral intervention on the next post)

Eat low calories snacks that I enjoy, such as Popsicles. With this hot weather, the fruit Popsicles are great, just 25 to 30 calories each. They make a great dessert as well. When I feel like a chocolate Popsicle, I usually eat the weight watcher big fudges.

Bubble gum is a great way to control my urge to snack. I saw on Biggest Loser that Extra gums are great, just 5 calories, but I don't like Extra that much, so I actually chew on Juicy Fruit gums, its just 10 calories a stick and I feel more satisfied with a juicy fruit than with an Extra gum.

Patience. Patience, Patience. I know this will take time, so I am not putting myself down because I am not losing weight fast.

Learn how to cook your favorite foods. I am cooking so much more now and enjoying so much. I bought a few new appliances, and I am preparing healthier foods now. It tastes better and I know what is in it. This way I can plan my day and eat the foods I like.

Remember the good reasons why I want to lose weight. I don't tell myself that I want to lose weight because I look disgusting, or because I can't find clothe, or any other negative reason, I tell myself I need to lose weight because I will feel great, I will have many clothe to wear, it will be easier to move around, I will have more energy to go about my day, I will sleep better, or even that I will look better and feel more confident to find romance. Never get negative thought stuck in your head, that is why you got into this mess in the first place. Start being kind to yourself.

And of course, I use the OCD technique when I am feeling an uncontrollable urge to binge and eat something I know it would be bad for my health.

So, these are a few guidelines I am using that are helping me control this food addiction. I hope it helps you guys as much as it is helping me. And if anyone has any good ideas to incorporate to these guidelines, please feel free to share!

See you soon,
Love always....
Me

Huum... So Good to Feel Free!

So... It is totally working! Totally. One day at a time, and suddenly...you ain't feeling the pressure anymore. I am walking around this week experiencing what Dr. T experiencing all the time. And Ms. R, the Rebel... sounds so in piece, and confident... she did not cause me trouble this week. I lost more than 3 pounds this week.

My dear friends.... Jen.. and Jan... I will post some guidelines so you can understand what is happening Io me.

My hairdresser, Jen... was talking to me about the issue of gaining and losing weight, and I was telling her all those thoughts I have that make me want to eat.... and stuff myself with things that I shouldn't be eating. Well..... not only Jen gave me a great hair cut and highlights, but she inspired me to continue with my journey to find a way to just be.... and be happy with myself with no need to have food around.

I promise that next time I sit here I will post all the guidelines of what I am doing, either what worked for me and what didn't, maybe it could work for you.

so.... I will see you soon!
love always...
Me

Not Again.....

Oh man..... what a terrible day I am having today. Last night I found out that my ex-husband's new woman is in deed a devious bitch. And the bad part of this, is that I actually liked her! I don't want to get into details here... it makes no difference, but it got me so upset... first thing I wanted to do? Guess? Right.. f...ing eat! Damn. I not only ate, I binged. I feel so crappy now! Not only that I gave in, but I gave in because of a stupid unworthy reason. I am feeling so sad that not even Dr. T. would help right now. Then today other things happened, and it just added to my "problem". Man.... why can't I do this? What is happening? I already know that the technique works... so why after successful days I just go back to this shit? There is more to it... much more.... I need to meditate on it....

It is interesting how fast you can lose it. It just ... happens.... And we always try to blame something or someone, but the truth is.. it was just another damn trigger, and I gave in.

Well.... there is not much I can do now. It already happened and I can't change the past... but I can change the future. Now.. I just need to put myself together and move on. This will not stop me from continuing on my journey, it can't! I can't allow something like this to spoil my journey. Keep on going... But there is one good thing I have learned from this episode and the last days success. At least I know that I am able to control my urge to eat when I am anxious and I want to eat for no particular reason.... now I need to learn how to control my urge to eat after a trigger.

I feel better now.... I realize that writing about how I feel actually helps me. Good.

see you soon
Love, always...
Me

It's Alive!!

I am so happy! The OCD technique is hard, but it is working! Last night I wanted to snack on something... some chocolate covered strawberries I made, and I could not stop thinking about it. I decided to stay with the feeling. The anxiety increased, and increased, and I was feeling extremely uncomfortable. But after a few minutes, the anxiety lowered and I felt so relieved and proud of myself!

Same thing happened right now. I wanted to eat a sugar free chocolate I have in my desk at work, and I told myself I should not do it. I waited until the anxiety increased, and when it was on the peak, I was telling myself... "I am not really hungry! My body is not asking for food right now, and I don't need to eat." I took a deep breath, and another, and another... and it worked! Again! I know my snacking is anxiety driven, and I eat because of some irrational thoughts. Sometimes I feel that I don't really have a problem, that all it is... is a habit. In other words, sometimes I am not that anxious to eat, I just eat because I am used to. If I think of something, the impulse and response to that thought is always the same. An example... I have a head ache, I take a pill... I feel dirty, I take a shower.... I want to get a tan, I go out to the sun... I feel anxious, I eat... wait! NOT ANYMORE! If I feel anxious, eating won't solve the problem!! All the other things I react to, will solve the problem, but not with food. And I still need to teach my brain that, every day...with patience, love and kindness. Until one day... I will wake up... and food won't be such a big issue in my life anymore. I will be aware of it, but it wont control me anymore. And I truly believe that. I know that I will face some hard-core anxiety levels when I use the OCD technique, but I know it will begin changing my thoughts, and create new habits.

I could feel last night and today.. that the anxiety builds up.. but it does not stay! My worry in the past was always that I would feel anxious and it would turn into sadness, and it would turn into depression, and I wouldn't be able to stand it. I rather eat than feel that terrible anxiety. But this is not true! The anxiety just comes, and goes! Yes, it is uncomfortable, but it is even more uncomfortable when I give in and eat.. then the discomfort, the sadness, the anxiety builds up. And I feel all the crappy feelings I am trying to avoid. But this does not happen when I don't give in, instead...I feel empowered. This thing will lose grip on me, I am sure of it!!

And another thing.... I don't want to diet ever again!.. so... I will stop counting my calories... I know this will slower my process, but I just need to know all this craziness is over! Forever!

I am happy.... I feel alive again!
See you soon,
Love, always...
Me

If I Could Choose...

Ah, what a great feeling! Back to the wagon at last! I took a week vacation, and to be honest.. it wasn't fun. Even if I was eating stuff I wanted with no restriction to calories, I realized I wasn't satisfied by the taste of the foods I chose. In the past when I felt guilty about eating something, the taste of food would still be good, but this time it had nothing to do with guilt, and the food was not as tasty as it was in the past. How strange! Was the food different? I guess....I am just finally changing.

As I told you before, I have been working on some cognitive changes on myself. I believe that what makes me want to eat the high caloric foods that I eat, is the thoughts I have, and the feeling I've suppressed for so long. For years I would "tell" myself I needed food to feel calm, or to compensate for some sort of crap that had happened to me. For the last couple of years, I am putting a lot of effort on unlearning these habits and thought patterns, and learning new healthy thoughts that will lead to healthy choices and habits. I think it is actually working! For the past 4 days, I have been craving all sort of healthy things. I am craving watermelon, strawberries, salad, exercising, jogging! Who would thought something like this actually happens? The problem is that the old thoughts still whisper in my ear "get me chocolate", "I need to rest", "I need something yummy". However, in the past I would have the thoughts that I needed to do something healthy, but they were just thoughts. Now they are cravings, and the thoughts about the caloric foods are not cravings anymore, they are just thought. There's improvement right there!

So now that I am back on the wagon, I will pay more attention to the new cravings, and when the crappy thoughts come, I will just let them go, don't worry, don't give them power. I am looking forward to see what will happen when I use the OCD technique on it! Because even if I am craving healthy things, now... cravings are still a sign of compulsion, and that's what I want to change.

My dear cyber-unknown friends.... I am happy that life is so full of uncertainties. Can you imagine how boring life would be if we knew everything that was going to happen? Vive la Difference! La Vie est Belle!

See you soon
Love, always
Me