Not Again.....

Oh man..... what a terrible day I am having today. Last night I found out that my ex-husband's new woman is in deed a devious bitch. And the bad part of this, is that I actually liked her! I don't want to get into details here... it makes no difference, but it got me so upset... first thing I wanted to do? Guess? Right.. f...ing eat! Damn. I not only ate, I binged. I feel so crappy now! Not only that I gave in, but I gave in because of a stupid unworthy reason. I am feeling so sad that not even Dr. T. would help right now. Then today other things happened, and it just added to my "problem". Man.... why can't I do this? What is happening? I already know that the technique works... so why after successful days I just go back to this shit? There is more to it... much more.... I need to meditate on it....

It is interesting how fast you can lose it. It just ... happens.... And we always try to blame something or someone, but the truth is.. it was just another damn trigger, and I gave in.

Well.... there is not much I can do now. It already happened and I can't change the past... but I can change the future. Now.. I just need to put myself together and move on. This will not stop me from continuing on my journey, it can't! I can't allow something like this to spoil my journey. Keep on going... But there is one good thing I have learned from this episode and the last days success. At least I know that I am able to control my urge to eat when I am anxious and I want to eat for no particular reason.... now I need to learn how to control my urge to eat after a trigger.

I feel better now.... I realize that writing about how I feel actually helps me. Good.

see you soon
Love, always...
Me