Hi my friends!!! I miss you guys!
I have been so busy, moving to a new apartment, new classes on Photography and Eating Disorder.... I can't seem to find time to write my blog!
But!! Today I have a surprise, a dear friend of mine is a terrific writer and humorist, and she wrote a funny piece on dieting. I thought it was prefect to post here! I hope you all enjoy!
Love, always....
Me.
MIND-BODY VERSUS GIRTH CONTROL
By Jan Marshall
After many attempts and failures to look gorgeous, I finally held my own peace accord. Pressuring me to get in shape never worked since my mind and body were never on the same plate.
Both consider the other an enemy and have fought constantly. I was fed up. It was time for a truce.
Communication was all it took. I recorded it for you.
MIND: Well Bod, this is truly an historical event. For the first time we are involved in “peaceful negotiations” toward a just and lasting thinness.
BODY: Yes, we have always had the same objective which was to cut calories. It was the method that caused those belly skirmishes. I am pleased we are finally talking steps in unison towards a fabulous figure.
MIND: I agree, Body and that is why I'd like you to know that I acknowledge your right to exist (although I question the amount of territory you cover).
BODY: Just listen to that! She recognizes my right to exist. The audacity!
MIND: Now you listen. No need to revert to your old hostile manner.
BODY: I would like to remind you that I am not hostile but I definitely do not need your permission to exist. I just do and that’s that. What I would prefer, actually, is to get back to the bargaining table which just happens to be in the kitchen. Would you like some fruit and cookies?
MIND: Of course not! After all, the point we are attempting to agree on is how you are going to drop a few pounds. Now the question is what are you willing to give up in order to gain these results?
BODY: Hey; we are in this together. Let’s take back our good looks together. Also, do not use the word “gain” in my presence. If we agree, in order to live in harmony with you I’d relinquish the nutty peanut butter I smear on my Sara and Tommy Lee Pounds of Cake. Believe me, that is some sacrifice. So! What will you do in exchange?
MIND: How about no more scolding? I won’t remind you a moment on your lips is forever on your hips, thighs and chins, both of them. And I promise not to say you are a bad person when you finish the kid’s leftover dinners each night considering he is not your kid or even sitting at your table.
BODY: Good. Because the more you yelled, the worse I felt and the worse I felt the more I ate. I am convinced you are sincere in your wish to reach a lasting “sveltness.” Let’s celebrate with a brief interruption in our talks and order pizza.
MIND: Pizza! How can you consider pizza at a time like this?
BODY: Okay, forget the pizza. How about spaghetti?
MIND: Spaghetti is out of the question.
BODY: What if I promise to jog, clog and tap-dance every day?
MIND: No!!! There is no way spaghetti is acceptable if we are to arbitrate a reconciliation.
BODY: Then that is just too bad. I will never, ever give up spaghetti. If you accept my pasta position, I will adhere to other conditions. What if I stop lying about my height?
MIND: No! If our goal is to keep you/us from looking like a moose in a bikini, then we must give up spaghetti, and that is that!
BODY: Never!!!!
MIND: Well, I am afraid we can no longer keep up these talks.
BODY: Please. Do not close the door to peace completely. Why don’t we find a Good Humored Man for a couple of scoops of chocolate-pecan with cherries?
MIND: Two scoops! Are you nuts?
BODY: Okay, okay. We’ll just have one scoop.
MIND: You’ve got yourself a deal, Body Buddy.
La Chaim!
Just Ask Jan and the Dudes
www.authorhumoristjanmarshall.com
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